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Thursday, January 08, 2009

I Lost My Temper Today!

Each year we have a surprise annual survey from the Department of Public Health. They are the licensing agency that certifies our facility each year. This year they sent 5 nurses to evaluate the facility. They have the reputation of being disgruntled and angry people and like to make others miserable. OK, I might be overdoing it some, But we call then the "Mean People."
They arrive at our facility unannounced and then stay for 4 - 10 hour days, and probe, question and investigate everything they can, attempting to locate and find some sort of deficiency to cite us for. I think they might be demonic. OK, again maybe overdoing it some.....
Well, they questioned me and the staff for 4 days and then identified some legitimate issues (small), but then decided to embellish some other allegations in order to substantiate other claims. I think they must work on commission....... Ok, maybe not.
Their final accusations were over the top and during the exit interview (this is where they announce their findings) I lost it......
No I didn't call them names or assault anyone, but if I could draw a picture of defensive and argumentative, maybe hostile, unkind, not nice at all, a little rude, condescending, all around not a pleasant guy, you would of seen me.
I don't know why, I am usually a mild manner and rational person, usually nice and kind, but there is something about those surveyors that trigger anger in me each year. It must be that they are not honestly trying to improved quality of care, but rather on a quest to find fault, or imagine some kind of elaborate misconduct and then attempt to substantiate it.
That is it, they have a preconceived notion that people are doing immoral or unethical things and then are on a search to locate it, questioning everything, and imagining the worse. You are proven guilty until you prove yourself innocent.
They are the opposite of love, charity, compassion, they are hateful, selfish, and uncaring.
OK, now to my temper.
I have revealed a piece of me that is usually controlled and controlled well. Like it or not, God has revealed and is once again giving me learning experience.
I feel humbled by my inability to control myself and allowing anger to dictate my actions. I should be able to control my emotions and not allow others to trigger a hostile response. I will work on it.........
What is the opposite of anger....... It must be Love....... Anger must have something to do with pride also.
I will pray about it and ask God to help me understand.........
It doesn't feel good to get angry........
It isn't an emotion that promotes love.......
Jesus, help me to understand and to grow.......

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