Deacon Pat's Books - Popular Catholic novelist and author!

Deacon Pat's Books - Popular Catholic novelist and author!
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Camino De Santiago

Along with a group very special friends, my brother Tim, and two Priests, we will be walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain beginning in August. Please friend me "Deacon Pat Kearns" on Facebook to follow the journey. I realize with limited internet, Facebook will be the easiest way to share the journey. I will share more on the blog when I return. I am also looking forward to using the experience in the current novel I am work on "Climbing Out of the Darkness."

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Yet Another Divorce!


Why is it that a month doesn't goes by that I am not hearing about another person that I know having a broken marriage and Divorce is planned?

I do not doubt that the two loved each other prior to and after the marriage took place. But what happened? I hear "Well we just grew apart."

How can something that has become one separate?

It would be like saying, I can live just fine without my right arm, or who really needs that foot anyway! I have a suspicion that the two maybe never allowed each other to become one. Maybe they really didn't understand the Sacrament and allowed the union to occur, nor allowed it to fuse as God intended?

Since I am a Man, I can only speak form a Man's point of view and perspective.

When you marry, you vow to care for you bride, love her, and serve her. In return, she does the same. However, it isn't a Quid Pro Quo relationship. My giving isn't contingent of her giving. I am to love her as myself. Actually, I am to love her greater than myself.

Most men don't realize the power of their actions toward their spouses. If you truly love your wife, serve her, anticipate her wants and desires, confide in her, treat her as the soul mate that she is, there isn't anything in the world she wouldn't do for you. And women are instinctively Loyal.... You have to do a lot to them to be otherwise.

And Men, don't look elsewhere for women who you think will meet your needs. If you only direct your focus and energy on meeting the needs of your own wife, you will find there is no need to look elsewhere.

It is you that have dropped the ball. Be honest, think about it.

I have meet very few men who were not able to repair a hurting marriage. You might say, It has gone too far, I and she have already done too much.

I don't believe it, especially when there are children involved.... Like it or not, Divorce hurts children and places a wound that is never healed. If you are willing to do that to your wife and your children, something in you has gone very wrong. How could a man intentionally harm his own wife and his own kids?

So should divorce never happen? I am not saying that. The church doesn't believe in Divorce, but there are legitimate grounds for annulments. There is a difference. I won't get into annulments now, it is a topic for another day, but here is a link to help with that topic.

Men, if you desire a particular quality in your wife, help her to develop it. I bet it is already there, maybe it just needs to be nourished some so it can manifest. But remember, a wife often responds and reacts to what she is presented with. So if she is showered with Love, concern, compassion, and thoughtfulness, she will be a mirror image of what she is fed.

Now, if you have been divorced and you want to argue about your divorce. I don't want to argue. I know there are exceptions and you might just have been the result of some sinful act... I am truly sorry for you and the pain that you carry. I am speaking in general and from my experience of working with people for over 25 years in the mental health setting and more recently in the clerical role.

Men, I don't know what has happened over the last 4o years, but you are not only the physical leaders of the family, you are the spiritual as well. No one else can do what you vowed to do.

Think about it..... You might not be able to immediately control the actions of your kids or your wife, but with humble, loving persistence, they will give you what you give them. If there has been significant damage created over time, it will take time to repair, but it can be repaired. You will never find the happiness elsewhere that you can have in your sacramental marriage.

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