I often think about marriage and why so many people get married and then get divorced. The lastest statistics I heard was that greater than 50% of marriages end with divorce. Today's readings in Mass pertained to marriage as follows:
The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked,"Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?" They were testing him. He said to them in reply, "What did Moses command you?" They replied,"Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her."But Jesus told them,"Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them,"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them,"Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you,whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it. "Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.
If marriage was always meant to be forever, where did our society go wrong? I tend place at least some blame on my field on employment (The Mental Health Profession), or more specifically, the therapists within the mental health profession. We endured a time in the 70's and 80's in which many, well probably most therapists, had a perspective that everyone should feel good, and if it feels good, it must be ok. Well, that mentality and concept that was preached by thousands of therapists for over 2 decades had a significant effect on at least 2 generations of Americans.
Most people I talk to still feel that they deserve to be happy and to feel good, all of the time. Their focus is still on themselves. Where did the concept go that to truly love someone is to serve that person, to be there in good times and in bad, to be devoted to someone and to make the ongoing effort to care for that person mentally, spiritually, and physically. Marriage is not about just feeling good and getting something. Marriage, I feel has always been about uniting with that special person and becoming one. To truly unite with a person means to allow their dreams and desires to become your dreams and desires, I don't mean just giving in to their requests, but to truly desire the same things that your spouse desires. How many people do you know that have truly and entirely given themselves to their spouse? You will still hear from current day mental health professionals that maintaining your independence is a must toward having a good marriage. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ????
If you ask me, when a person is in true need of psychological support, excluding a real psychotic crisis, the last person they should seek is a therapist. Boy - am I going to catch flack for this: I'm not saying that all therapists are bad, but after working in field for more than 20 years, I have only met a few good therapists, and I have met and worked with hundreds of therapists that have totally messed up people lives. I have seen much better results with people seeking out solid spiritual counseling.
Please don't take my words as saying Life is about being unhappy, or always suffering, it is truly about loving, giving, and serving. If marriage is to be your vocation, then your life is about uniting with that special person and giving all you have for and to them, and hold nothing back. It is within that total giving of yourself that true purpose and love is experienced.
I often think that most people have never really experienced what a true marriage is really like. They may have lived it superficially, but void of giving of oneself entirely, prevents one from experiencing the benefits of a true marriage made in heaven.
Each day that goes by I realize a little clearer the wonderful gift of my wife, and my Marriage, as well as the supernatural and spiritual elements that are truely the roots of what a marriage is.
Again, I thank God for the little insights into his Kingdom and in my very simple way I hope to share them with you.